17 June 20117:34 AM
The scene: I’m sitting in my favorite chair, near the gracious windows of the front room of my new home in a Chicago two-flat. This is about 4 square feet that are unpacked enough to be comfortable…but I can reach out and touch stacks of boxes on either side of me.
Boxes which will have to wait to be unpacked because this, my friends, is the eye of the storm: I returned last night from a trip with 8 high schoolers. When I get up from writing this, I will finish packing for a trip with 40 high schoolers. (Although, Erik and the kids an I will fly out ahead of them and get a 36 hour sabbath before we are again responsible for teenagers.) The cab arrives to take us to the airport in 4 hours.
So, from this place, 10 things:
1. I could not be prouder or more blessed by the 14 high schoolers who worked on our worship grant this year. Eight of them went to a conference on the grant this week. They were engaged and engaging, inspirational and articulate, and excited about worship. I think they blessed the entire conference with their presence and enthusiasm. The Church is going to be OK!
2. I think we can officially say that Abram has a lovely personality. He went along on this trip and had a terrible cold and cough. In spite of that, he was still a smiley flirt whenever he got the chance.
3. I think we can also officially say that Zora is exhausted.
4. Erik went to the kindergarten meeting at Zora’s potential public school. It sounds like an excellent place. Top notch. Please note: it is a Chicago Public School. Not every school in CPS is a frightening vortex of disfunction. What’s sad about that is that some of the schools are so terrible that the district averages out as horrific even with some very good individual schools. At the same time that I am thankful that we have the means to live within the boundaries for an excellent elementary school, it breaks my heart that we are in a district where many many many children are so neglected by their school system. And, now that I love within that district, I have to recognize that there are ways in which I am even more responsible for their education. (Although, I also firmly believe that I was before as well…as a resident of the state of Illinois.)
5. We picked paint colors for the new living room to be soothing: basically, our living room and dining room are the color of pea soup. Because I am Dutch, and nothing is more comforting to me that pea soup.
6. On a walk last week, Zora announced that we should call the new neighborhood “New World”, and then proceeded to (loudly & cheerfully) greet people by saying, “Hello! Welcome to New World!” I, of course, read this theologically, and find some eschatology in it. The Bible begins in a garden and ends in a city…
7. Erik has 3 hours of his life back every day. I now have several days a week when I commute over 50 miles with two small children in the car. You can draw your own conclusions about how that is affecting our life.
8. It’s Erik’s big week. Our wedding anniversary (12 years); his birthday (34); and Father’s Day coming up. I told him to buy himself a new bike. Which he soundly deserves since the bike commuting in the suburbs through the winters actually rusted through his old bike.
9. All of the “big” numbers in # 8 are completely smacked into perspective by the fact that Erik’s Grandma turned 101 last week. I think her greatest accomplishment is being the generator of the Moe clan. And not just because she’s a woman of a generation where raising your family was the main thing you did. More because they are, in fact, that incredible.
10. While I was visiting Michigan last week, I had the lovely surprise of spending a few minutes with my seminary buddy Heidi and her brand-spanking new daughter Zoe Beth. (This is her third baby…my other good seminary buddy Meika is pregnant with her third as well, which means I am behind!) We spent a fine half hour in the Calvin Seminary Student Center, chatting and catching up. Much discussion turned to being a mama and a pastor, and I’m fairly certain that we may now hold the record for most times saying “boob” on the premises of the seminary.
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17 June 20117:14 AM
I just spent three days on the campus of my seminary (Calvin) and its attached college, shepherding eight teens (plus my own two little kiddos) through a conference for recipients of the worship grant that we were gifted with this year. That was the main event, for me, of those three days.
Meanwhile, the campus was hopping with other activity: the Christian Reformed Church Synod and, overlapping with it, the Reformed Church General Synod. Big personal excitement: I got to see two friends (briefly) who were delegates to each.
I think about denominations and the fracturing of the big-C Church every time I visit my old seminary, because I am no longer a minister of the denomination that raised and formed me. It’s bittersweet to see my classmates, not to be a delegate to Synod with them, not to serve on the same committees, not to be part of that body anymore. I miss them.
And I miss some of the wonderful quirky things about my old denomination (Canadians, conservative theology with a hefty dose of liberal social justice, peppermints in worship, even stubborn old Dutch guys who have trouble with change…)
I don’t think I’m ever going back, though. Five and a half years after becoming Presbyterian, I’ve gotten comfortable here. I think I want to stay.
I used to think of myself as an exile, but the truth is that I chose to leave. Largely for better and more opportunities to serve.
A friend who has a similar ministry path through the denominational wilderness recently mentioned that she uses the metaphor of immigrant to describe her journey. And so the old denomination becomes the old country…but by now, she’s firmly settled in the new country, enjoys visits to the old country, but knows that she lives where she belongs. That’s helpful to me.
But I still miss “home”.
The CRC and the RCA, which have a secure ecclesiastical relationship with each other, had their Synods overlap partly to conduct some joint business, but, I imagine, also to poke around the edges a little at the idea of inter-denominational unity, and maybe, just maybe, the nagging suspicion of some that these two denominations ought to consider getting back together. (They parted way in the late 1800s over issues that since have largely become irrelevant.)
My friend who’s an RCA delegate mentioned to me that for some people in the RCA, the more pressing question is not unity with the CRC, but with the PCUSA.
And then, there’s me, the (Dutch, Calvin Seminary educated, CRC-ordained) Presbyterian minister wandering around this campus where you can’t throw a peppermint without hitting a Reformed elder or pastor. And I’m wondering if I might live to see the day when all three denominations could get together. That might be the only way I get to go home. I wish I could be more hopeful about the possibility.
Of course, there’s always hope for the joyful reunion of the Church in the New Creation…
(Come quickly, Lord Jesus.)
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4 June 20118:07 PM
Conversation while unpacking the kitchen this afternoon.
Erica: How many wine glasses do we HAVE?
Erik: As many as we registered for when we got married.
Erica: Why in earth did we register for do many? When have we ever served that many people wine? What were we thinking?
Erik: Apparently we thought we were going to be living a life of debauchery.
(I married this man almost 12 years ago, in large part because he is entertaining…and so far, our marriage has survived 7 moves. So have at least 18 wine glasses, and I’m pretty sure a few more are hiding in the last few kitchen boxes.)
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27 May 20115:58 PM
Hello, blog, it’s been awhile.
So, a few things to keep it interesting.
1. Abram is a ridiculously strong child. I will not be shocked at all if he’s crawling early, let alone walking. This kid’s favorite activity, at 3 1/2 months, is to stand while holding your thumbs. He thinks it’s hilarious.
2. Teenagers at my church have led two incredible worship services in the last couple of weeks. We are blessed at FVPC right now with a crop of worship nerds. I say that with all love and admiration. This bunch is perfectly happy to spend a morning or afternoon planning worship. But it’s not only that, they are also, as our friend Jonathan Rundman (who led a workshop for us earlier this month, put it) incredibly cool, but also accessible. His description was accurately carried through a week later when 4 of our seniors gave testimonies about how God has worked in their lives through our church, and to a one, each was compelling, intelligent, articulate and VULNERABLE with the congregation. Who ever heard of vulnerable Presbyterians?!?
3. Zora had her last day of preschool. I was an utter teary mess all day. Not so much because she’s growing up, but because I will miss, so much, that I get to spy on her during the day. My office window gives me a clear view of the preschoolers on the play ground and in the woods behind our church. What an incredible gift that has been.
4. Zora is also going through this phase where she is simply luminous. I feel like every once in a while, everything about her catches up with itself and is functioning in perfect harmony. And for a few weeks, she somehow glows, not just physically but also emotionally and intellectually. It’s not she isn’t delightful the rest of the time, but there’s something different sometimes. I suspect other kids are like this, too. Have you noticed it?
5. We are moving in a week. I am in utter and complete denial. Partly because there is no way to get everything done. We have resigned ourselves to hiring the kind of movers who pack for you because we both have to work right up until the day of the move and go back to work right after it happens. Then, just over a week later, I start a string of two back to back mission trips with teenagers (and my own children in tow). I might get a chance to unpack sometime in July.
6. We are moving to Chicago. The reminder that we are truly moving to Chicago came today when the moving company rep who visited for today’s estimate suggested that I should go with his company because they are high class, whereas many of the other moving companies we are considering may very well be run by gangsters. This was made all the more hilarious by the fact that this guy had the sort of thick Chicago accent that (prejudicially of course) would easily have won him a film role as a Chicago gangster. Also, there was one point in the conversation about logistics where I think he was actually talking about bribing our future alderman.
7. I have long dreamed of living in a Chicago two-flat. I don’t know why. I just think they are wonderful little buildings. We are moving into a first floor apartment in a two flat. This aspect of the move delights me!
8. Occasionally, Abram is skipping a feeding at night and giving us 5-6 hours straight of sleep. The only problem with this: it’s occasional. On the days after he does this, I feel about 100% better than usual. So basically, it’s like this giant tease of what will happen eventually…that I will again feel human and rested on a regular basis.
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2 May 201111:00 AM
Dear Zora and Abram,
Last night, the US military killed Osama bin Laden. I imagine that some day you will read about this in a school history class. Maybe it will be a big day that gets its own paragraph. But maybe it will simply be a footnote to September 11, 2001.
This morning, though, it is big news. I found out last night when I was up nursing Abram, reading through friends’ responses on social media. The reactions ranged from contemplative to hateful, cathartic to celebratory, victorious to ambiguous. Those reactions are representative of what we saw on the news as well. People trying to reason through what this means at the same time that some were filling parks and landmarks in New York and Washington, DC and cheering.
I watched this all from bed where I held Abram, nursed him back to sleep, and kissed the top of his head. We were tired after our family’s celebration on May 1: the day Abram was baptized.
And I realized, as I processed the news, that May 1, 2011, was the most important day in Abram’s life: the day of his baptism into the life and death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. At the same time, the rest of the world was noting it as a day of importance for another reason altogether.
I wish that these two days were not the same day, because it makes each event that much more difficult.
At 10 weeks, Abram, and at 4 1/2 years, Zora, I don’t expect that you understand any of what I’m writing here now. But someday, I think we might talk about this. And the day when you understand these things will come quickly…you both grow so fast!
As a mother, I want you both to be safe. I wish for you a world where people aren’t scared; where politics is not incredibly polarized; where there are not whole countries that suffer under endless cycles of war; where you do not have to wonder constantly about the right-ness or wrong-ness of what your country does in the name of security. I am frightened to my core of the possibility that either of your beautiful baby-bodies could one day grow up to be harmed, injured, or killed in any act of violence. But I’m not sure this one man’s death will get us to this place of safety and wholeness. There will always be evil in the world until God’s work of re-creation is complete.
As a Christian, I cannot find space to celebrate death, the death of anyone. I don’t support the death penalty. At the same time, I understand why the soldiers who killed bin Laden did what they did, and I think they chose the lesser of evils.
Some people have said that bin Laden was an evil man. But I believe that every last one of us humans is fallen; created good, but tainted by evil. That evil can be more rampant in the actions of some people, and Osama bin Laden did terrible, evil things: not because he was Muslim; not because he was Arab; not because he hated America. He did terrible things because, like the rest of us, he was fallen, and prone to do evil. Even God, as far as I can figure, does not delight when someone dies. After all, we are each created and loved by God, in spite of our best efforts to be unloveable.
I cannot even, as a Christian, find it in me celebrate that someone may have gone to hell. I’m not, at this point in my life, a universalist. I think there is judgment, and I think there is some sort of hell. And I hope with every fiber of my being that God is just, but also more generous with grace than we humans are able to be…so I hope that the surprise is that heaven is bursting at the seams with people we never thought had a chance to be redeemed.
As for forgiveness, I was relatively personally unaffected by September 11, 2001. It’s not my place to forgive or to prescribe forgiveness for the people who lost dear ones that day (or any of the other days, in any of the other countries, when bin Laden had a hand in death and destruction). The only thing I know for sure is that Christians are called to work toward forgiveness, even if the best we can do is simply to leave forgiveness in the hands of God and pray for wholeness. I can’t imagine how to forgive someone for horrible things like 9/11.
On the day when Abram was baptized, I’ll also remember a day when it was hard to know how to be a Christian.
This morning, Melinda preached on forgiveness. The Spirit must have guided that choice, because we were all going to need that sermon later that evening.
I don’t know that this man’s death will make any grand difference in the movement of our world toward God’s healing and peace. I don’t know how it will look when you both are old enough to look back on history.
I do know that you are both loved and cherished by God, and in baptism you are both called to work toward the reconciliation of God’s creation, and hope for the shalom, the wholeness, of this world.
While it is the greatest joy of my life that the two of you are God’s own covenant children, this morning I am waking up to the solemn reality of your responsibilities as followers of Jesus, and my own baptismal pledge to teach you how to follow him.
May God give all of us wisdom, grace, and strength to know the way.
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2 May 20112:09 AM
How do I reconcile the events of this day?
I believe that his baptism today is the single most important event in Abram’s life. Not his life so far, but his whole life.
And now that day has ended with an historic death and celebration in the streets. And, in many cases, it seems, sentiments that are difficult to square with a Christian ethic of forgiveness.
I’m not saying that I’m not, in some sense, relieved that Osama bin Laden is dead. But celebrating any death feels wrong.
And how to explain someday to Abram that the day of his baptism was historic, but not exactly a day when God’s intended wholeness of the world was restored?
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15 March 20117:06 PM
Zora idioms we don’t want to forget (her language skills keep getting better and better, so these are slowly going away):
“I want to speaker something in your ear.” (I want to whisper in your ear.)
Use of “what” in place of “that” as in: “I like the monkey toy what has stripes.”
“lellow” for “yellow”
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13 March 20115:20 PM
He’s a month old. Can you believe it?
All things considered, our little family is adjusting well (although, this photo might be slightly more idyllic than reality!).
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4 March 20119:47 AM
I don’t know that being pregnant made me more forgetful. (I did have a precipitous decline in my vocabulary, though…)
But the combination of little sleep and the general distraction of having a cute baby around (sometimes I just sit and look at him because he’s that wonderful…), well, that combination has my brain pretty well fried.
I should probably not admit this. According to a certain semi-famous (in minister circles) female pastor blogger, who frequently comments on fashion and being a woman in ministry, we need to be careful as women about admissions that we are affected in the head a bit by pregnancy. I won’t name or link her here because I don’t really want to draw her ire.
But, let’s face it: babies are wonderful and exhausting little beings. And, right now, I need some slack because I’m a little tired. And thus forgetful. This is why I thank God and my church for parental leave.
And, honestly, I think of this as part of the whole “it takes a village to raise a child” thing. There are people working harder than usual so that I can sit here with Abram. I view that as a gift to Abram, and to me, and as an expression that the church values children enough to let their brain-addled mamas stay home with them for awhile.
So, on to the funny part of this post. Proof that I am not entirely in my right mind this week?
On Monday, at Abram’s 2 week check up, I realized only as I was being escorted into the exam room, that I had left the diaper bag in the car. And I KNEW he was going to poop in the next 10 minutes (he’s very regular). Since we go to a family practice, it turns out they didn’t have extra baby diapers sitting around. My respect for our doctor has gone way up in that he was completely tolerant of the fact that he had to examine Abram’s boy parts through a nice coating of newborn poopies.
On Wednesday, I left the headlights on during a costco run, and needed a jump by the time I got back to the car. Inspired by people who stand at intersections with “Will work for food” signs, I thought about making a little sign “I have a new baby and I need my battery jumped. Can you help, please?” and standing outside the entrance to see if a departing customer would help. But I wound up going to the customer service desk instead. I was finally helped, but I think the sign would have been faster.
Perhaps most hilariously, I did something else really forgetful yesterday. I know I did. Because right after I did it, I decided to write this blog post. But now I can’t remember what exactly it was…
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4 March 20119:25 AM
Usually for me, when NPR and church occur in the same thought, it has to do with frustration around stewardship campaigns at church which are run using similar language to the NPR membership drive (“Think of the benefits you get from our church: and because of our wonderful service to you, you should give!!!”) That just doesn’t work for me. Church is not a service, nor is it a radio station.
But here’s another angle I never thought about. I agree completely with Farhad Manjoo about the letters to NPR from whiners: the ones that berate the newscast for bringing up anything too “frivolous” which usually means anything related to pop culture, interests of people under the age of 40, or anything that is simply not deemed as “serious” as whatever crisis the listener thinks is more important.
And think about how this relates to church life. First off, the tendency sometimes to take everything way too seriously. Jesus did, in fact, have a sense of humor.
Second, the idea that engaging with popular culture is not important. In the words of Abraham Kuyper, “every square inch” belongs to God. That includes things we might be quick to deem frivolous. We need to give everything a good look before we discard it.
Third, the chasm between young and old. NPR, like the church, is facing the challenge of “marketing” to younger people (although, I hate to use the term marketing with the church: maybe we should be talking about relevance!) Notice that there are even some similar tactics…like the idea about NPR creating separate stations in certain markets that go after younger listeners. Sounds like some church planting strategies to me!
And, finally, that question of who complains the loudest and who we respond to. Notice that the harsher letters of criticism come in to NPR first. Then come the words of affirmation. This also sounds familiar. A good reminder that we need to sit calmly when criticism arrives and wait to react, to see what others are saying, and then to evaluate the situation before immediately changing course!
Does this make sense to you? Do you see any other similarities, differences, equivalents?
Does it make you feel any better to know that other organizations face similar challenges to the challenges we face in the church?
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