God moves (my placenta) in mysterious ways
For the past 3 months, way too many aspects of my life have been up in the air. I really don’t like uncertainty. I like to be spontaneous, but uncertainty, especially when it involves:
(a) work and call
(b) where I live
(c) the developing child in my womb
(d) when that child will be forced to make an appearance
is just a little too much. (However, a good exercise in trust! Especially the pregnancy stuff.)
3 months ago, Erik and I found out that our very healthy growing baby was developing perfectly in-utero, but my placenta was not where it was supposed to be., what’s called a “complete placenta previa.” (The best comment on this was Sandi, who said, “You mean you’ve got a Toyota in there?”) Our doctor assured us this was not just the low-lying early pregnancy placenta. I was basically a blood spot away from a really long period of bed rest in the hospital, and the baby would have to be delivered by C-section a month early.
1 month ago, we were “upgraded” to a partial previa. And then today, we were told that it is now just a “low-lying” placenta.
All of that medical jargon means that the placenta has moved its way up and away from where it wasn’t supposed to be and I can stop being as constantly worried about that drop of blood, whether I am walking too far to get to public transportation, and having a tiny, month early baby. She can stay in there until late August if she so desires! (I’ll probably regret saying that in a few weeks!)
The other exciting news is that the unidentified chunk-o-baby I’ve been feeling underneath the right side of my rib cage is the baby’s butt. And, the baby is really into grabbing at her face. She’s done that in just about every ultrasound we’ve had.
Meanwhile, I’m not sure I fully learned the spiritual lesson in all of this: I’m not always in control. Pregnancy means that God and another person basically move in and take over your body. (I know this is not the nicest way to describe it, but the baby is kind of a little parasite!) And no matter how many books you read, how many nutritionally balanced meals you eat, how much appropriate exercise you do, something could still go wrong. You can’t peek in and check on the baby all the time. There is always something to worry about. And all you can do is trust that God is somehow in there with the baby, making sure that fingernails grow, kidneys develop, and placentas move to where they’re supposed to be. I don’t know if I’ve gotten any better at that trusting, but now at least I have two months to work on it, rather than just the one.
[...] And, the biggie, Zora seems to have a cows-milk-protein allergy. This is just not fair–she’s been exclusively breast-milk-fed, she’s got a genetic background without food allergies, babies usually develop this a lot earlier than 4 months, etc. (Then again, the placenta previa wasn’t fair either…) So, she’s been on a round of special formula while we figure this out, and I’ve been pretty much attached to my pump non-stop to keep up my supply. This is exhausting, by the way. I’ve heard of moms who for some reason have to pump all the time, and I don’t know how they do it. I’ve also had to cut every trace of dairy from my diet. This is tough for someone from a family that guzzles milk (one of my sister’s friends used to chastise her dairy habit by yelling, “Milk is NOT a thirst quencher!” every time she reached for the carton.) You would not believe how many things have dairy in them, including…SOY CHEESE!! Basically, I’m now a vegan who eats eggs and meat. [...]
12 January 2007 at 12:21 pm